@WelperHelper99
Welpie is a 22 year old highly autistic welder and anime fan currently living in Parts Unknown, Utah (likely Salt Lake City or possibly Helper)"My guy" is his zoomie zoom battle cry and it will be the last you hear before he hits you with a regurgitated take from last week's episode of MATI.
Welpie (formerly of Illinois) is notable for preaching the good word of Josh Moon with as much passion as he does the word of Joseph Smith, when he's not busy oversharing and sperging out over Japanese cartoons, that is.
Welpie, being a complete shut-in and closet case like his Internet hero, would have you believe that he's qualified to speak on Mormonism when his brain is little more than a collection of religious tracts and Japanese toddlers yelling bakabaka sugoy or whatever the fuck.
Being a ginger, he was never likely to go on a real Mormon mission to spread the good word of Jesus Christ, but it would turn out to be his poor mental health that would keep him from straying too far from the flock.
Instead of touching grass in an arguably respectable way, his bishop decided to stick him in the Bishop's Storehouse (read:foodbank) to serve his tenure standing there awkwardly smiling while handing bags of groceries and essentials to the closely related citizens of Wherever The Fuck, Utah.
When questioned about why it was decided he would serve his tour of duty performing what could have been handled by a table with a smiley face balloon attached, he claimed he "takes a lot of medications..."
When pressed further he stated that they were concerned some of his meds would be in short supply elsewhere and for medical purposes he needed to stay close to home. Truly tragic that the doctor was unable to prescribe enough to travel with or that postal delivery hadn't been invented yet but clearly there's no cope here and it doesn't bear further investigation, ok?
On the note of medications, Welpie is a user of Adderall (amphetamine). You may have rightly presumed this of someone who has posted 10K times in only a year of being on Kiwi Farms but he has also mentioned it on several occasions and given a shoutout to his fellow legal tweakers.
Amphetamine is perfectly legal and just because it's many times more mind altering than coffee doesn't mean it's not compatible with Mormonism and he should never be pressed on this topic.
Without his amphetamine he'd have never written 4 books (never published, never will be) and we wouldn't have his monumental post history to delve into.
In surely one of his more lucid moments, Welpie horny posted about "tomboys" and a desire to be beaten up by them. I'd never insult a man with a healthy admiration for athletic women who enjoys outdoorsman hobbies like fishing, but I suspect this may be a bit of repressed bisexuality on his part, likely stemming from his years as a boy scout.
Further evidence that this based and redpilled (autistic), anime brain rotted, tweaked to his gills young man may have some issues to work through is his fascination with the topic of anal sex, something that he uses nearly like punctuation in his non-stop posting. A search of his post history will reveal an extensive history of colorful metaphors for putting the peepee in the poopoo.
I learned all of this by scrolling back through 24 days of his most recent post history and I believe there's bound to plethora more interesting tidbits about one of Kiwi Farms most loyal zoomer spokesmen under the 9.5K posts I haven't read.
OP will be updated and adjusted as more is learned.
Apologies for Reddit spacing, it will aid in editing later. All data points are easily found in his search history but citations will be added also.
