I'm sure you've all seen... no, HEARD these things at least once on any given summer season, but for those of you that are lucky enough to not experience these... things, lemme give you a rundown.
The Cicada is a manlet fattie that's only existence is to simp for women, and LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE! How does it simp for them? By making the loudest autistic screeching you've ever heard in your entire life. Every summer, these things chill on tree branches/leafs/barks and make their horrible ear-piercing "mating calls" that can be heard from miles. The bigger they are, the louder the REEEEEEE-ing... but Cicadas aren't even big to begin with. The biggest they can get are 7 cm (2.8 in). It's their wings that give it the illusion that they are bigger, with their wingspan being 18–20 cm (7–8 in). After a female finally comes to them to put out just to make them STFU, they lay their eggs in between the barks of trees. Adult Cicadas only live between 4-6 weeks, so basically when they hatch from a larva (which has a RIDICULOUSLY longer life span between 13 to 17 YEARS), their adulthood is so boringly short that they wouldn't even remember the fact that they got laid in the first place. Their larva state isn't any better either. Once they hatch from their eggs, they literally drop to the ground and burrow underground, where all they do is get fucking drunk off their asses from tree sap they get from sucking the roots of trees, essentially making them tree killers (which for those keeping score at home, the planet needs trees to produce oxygen for us). Once they finally decide to get off their lazy fucking asses to do something, they dig out of their hole, crawl onto anything climbable, and moult into their adult form. Doesn't matter what the fuck it is, or where it fucking is, these things leave their shells EVERYWHERE!
Basically these things contribute nothing to society... well, maybe ONE thing... they are literal food to every other living thing in existence. As soon as they hatch and drop to the ground, they are immediately threatened by mother fucking ANTS of all things. As an adult... LMFAO! Here's a fucking list of just a FEW of the shit that wants to murder these things...
The Cicada is a manlet fattie that's only existence is to simp for women, and LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE! How does it simp for them? By making the loudest autistic screeching you've ever heard in your entire life. Every summer, these things chill on tree branches/leafs/barks and make their horrible ear-piercing "mating calls" that can be heard from miles. The bigger they are, the louder the REEEEEEE-ing... but Cicadas aren't even big to begin with. The biggest they can get are 7 cm (2.8 in). It's their wings that give it the illusion that they are bigger, with their wingspan being 18–20 cm (7–8 in). After a female finally comes to them to put out just to make them STFU, they lay their eggs in between the barks of trees. Adult Cicadas only live between 4-6 weeks, so basically when they hatch from a larva (which has a RIDICULOUSLY longer life span between 13 to 17 YEARS), their adulthood is so boringly short that they wouldn't even remember the fact that they got laid in the first place. Their larva state isn't any better either. Once they hatch from their eggs, they literally drop to the ground and burrow underground, where all they do is get fucking drunk off their asses from tree sap they get from sucking the roots of trees, essentially making them tree killers (which for those keeping score at home, the planet needs trees to produce oxygen for us). Once they finally decide to get off their lazy fucking asses to do something, they dig out of their hole, crawl onto anything climbable, and moult into their adult form. Doesn't matter what the fuck it is, or where it fucking is, these things leave their shells EVERYWHERE!
Basically these things contribute nothing to society... well, maybe ONE thing... they are literal food to every other living thing in existence. As soon as they hatch and drop to the ground, they are immediately threatened by mother fucking ANTS of all things. As an adult... LMFAO! Here's a fucking list of just a FEW of the shit that wants to murder these things...
- Birds
- Squirrels
- Bats
- Wasps
- Mantises
- Spiders
- Robber Flies
- Amphibians
- Fish
- Reptiles
- Moles
- China (as both Medicine AND food)
- Fungus... yes, even MUSHROOMS want these things dead... but not before turning them gay (yes, they fuck with their heads to make them want to fuck other males)
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